a friend once told me...

"There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

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year number three.

So yesterday was me and my hunny's "three year anniversary". The reason why I put it in quotations is because although it's a great accomplishment we don't count the hours, days, weeks, months and years that we've been together. We just figured we might as well. So that possibly is not an accurate date, but we don't care. :-)

He has really showed me the dimensions I didn't know I had, and the possible connection two people can have. the word connection is a complete under statement. There are days when I just look at him and become overwhelmed with happiness that I can never explain. It amazes me how another being can make me feel more complete. A lot of people did not really believe i was in a relationship at first, because I definitely was/am not desperate to be in love...that is until I fell in love with Anthony.

Our story is not perfect, for we are human and when it's "real" it's not perfect. We definitely have had our downs but we always seem to bring it together and avoid permanent damage.

We were lying down in bed and he began to ask me all sorts of questions regarding when we first met. He asked me when did I know I had fallen in love. My response: "The first time I cried because of you, I knew I was in trouble, because I never cry in front of people." I asked him when he knew he was in love with me. His response: "On our date to Dave and Busters" (second one). He said: "That night I kept winning in every single game, I won you a bear, I kept winning. And I NEVER win at anything. That's how I knew you were special." <3

i love you!

Exhale.

I have always been a kinda humble person. Maybe because I don't like too much attention but mainly because I count my blessings. Today I got beside myself and did just that. It's an overwhelming feeling when we can stop for a second in a peaceful state and realize our beautiful surroundings. I mean really take it all in.

This morning I went for a long run at the trails and it was so beautiful and peaceful. Six-thirty in the morning, just got off of work and I felt like I could run for days. It was still dark out and the air was chilly. After jogging for two miles, I walked to a piece of concrete close to the pond and just stood there watching all of God's amazing creations. The grass, the trees, the birds, turtles, the water, the air, the sun. nature. I began to think about my blessings and became overwhelmed with emotion. Emotion from success, drive, opportunities, blessings, my life, everything. In this chaotic world where we deal with so much negativity, malice and irresponsibility there is also beauty. We have to every so often stop and exhale. And this morning I did. It felt great.

Takers.

Last night me and my main squeeze watched Takers at Silverado. The movie is okay, I guess. This, my friend, is an ode to the fine ass men who were in it. My favorite is the beautiful, Idris Elba. I absolutely love him. He is Sexy, with a capital 'S'. There is an amazing scene where he is getting out of his bed in some black briefs, omigod, the ladies screamed on that shot. x-)

Anywho, here are some shots from the okay movie with sexy men. BTW, I absolutely love the threads they wore.

Wise Words.

“Love,” said Phaedrus, “is the oldest of the gods, and one of the most powerful. It is that principle which turns ordinary young people into heroes. For the lover is ashamed to act the coward in the presence of his beloved. Give me an army made up of lovers, and I can conquer the world.”

— Living Biographies of Great Philosophers, by Henry Thomas & Dana Lee Thomas

Lord, I ask for courage ~

Courage to face and conquer my own fears ...
Courage to take me where others will not go ...

I ask for strength ~
Strength of body to protect others,
and strength of spirit to lead others ...

I ask for dedication ~
Dedication to my job, to do it well,
Dedication to my community, to keep it safe ...
Give me, Lord, concern for those who trust me,
and compassion for those who need me ...
And please, Lord, through it all,
be at my side .

She tied her hair up, in a tight bun,
As her husband whispers, "Be Careful hon",
Gun in her holster, bulletproof vest on,
with a kiss to her husband, she was gone.

She enters the station, big smile on her face,
She moves with such ease, so full of grace.
Her colleagues admired her, for she's nice and smart,
Uniform and badge, she plays the part.

For she is a wife, mother, and a cop,
Who earned her place, at the very top
she is one in a million, from all the rest,
tough and fair, the very best.

She has seen some things, we dread to see,
she does her job, to protect you and me,
She's been kicked at, spat on, cracked a rib or two,
she shakes it all off, to protect me and you.

There are times, where her life comes close to an end,
But thanks to the help, of her brave cop friends.
She does a job, that a few would dare do,
She does her job proudly, with a smile too.

And when she comes home, at the end of her shift,
Kids in her arms, as her husband gives her a kiss,
She knows she made it through, another long day,
For tomorrow might be different, so she just prays

Wise Words.

"But I didn't understand then. That I could hurt somebody so badly she would never recover. That a person can, just by living, damage another human being beyond repair."
— Haruki Murakami

Wise Words.

‎"His words are like the sound of a needle dragging across a record. A sinking, sickening feeling washes over me. This is why you should never, ever get your hopes up. This is why you should see the glass as half empty. So, when the whole things spills, you aren't as devastated." - Emily Giffin (Something Borrowed)

To My Soul Sistas.

I learned that although we want certain relationships to grow with each year, the reality is people change. Some for the better, others not so much. We meet different people every day, but some mean more than others. I have lost some friendships in the past. Just like a dating relationship we grow apart or have different plans in mind. The people who really mattered will always find a way back in our lives.

I have very few close relationships because I prefer quality over quantity. These are the people who I would do anything for. These are the people who I give 100% Teresita to on the daily basis. These people know me in and out, good, bad and fabulous. I owe these people a lot for trying to understand such a flawed person.

Every now and then I love just hanging out with my girls. Just us, our emotions and some alcohol. We share our deepest thoughts, lots of laughs and sometimes tears. These ARE the fruits of my labor. We work so damn hard every day, never giving up and then it's time to unwind. Time to just not give a fuck about anything in the world. Time to make fun of our decisions and the cards that are dealt. We don't judge each other, we just respect our choices. So here's to another drunken, funny and memorable night.

Although we are not blood sisters, we're soul sisters.

Currently Reading.

I got bit by the Emily Giffin bug! (thanks to my sister)

I love her books, they're everything a non-reader like myself ever dreamed of.

The movie to 'something borrowed' will be out in 2011. :)

First, I read

Now it's

then

and

finally,

Relationship Blues

Although I listen to r&b 24/7, when I listen to Mariah Carey & Toni Braxton it usually means one of two things: heartbreak or heartache.

(the old MC has unbelievable songs!)

I find myself having relationship blues and it can at times be hard to express my feelings without being rude. That's just the way I am. So there goes rounds 1-12.

There comes a time in every relationship when you question the purpose of it and the person who you are with. No one couple has a perfect relationship so there is no need to chase an impossible outcome. But for the sake of love we must learn to get along.

As women we can sometimes feel like we are taken for granted bc we do not get praised enough for our deeds. I do not need a parade, but at the same time show me that you appreciate me. I absolutely hate not being enough for someone when you went above and beyond. I am a certain kind of woman who likes to keep her dignity and is not desperate to be in love. My argument is appreciate what you have bc once I am gone, please believe I am not going to look back. I cook, clean, please you in every way and I have depth to myself.

I have no doubt in my body that you absolutely adore me, but showing it and saying it are two different animals.

Ahhhhh. and the venting continues. *turns up the music*

What's All The Fu#$@n' Fussin' For?!

I have been told before that I have no filter. Maybe I don't but most of the shit that comes out of my mouth is true. I don't take people's feeling into consideration a lot. Unless I genuinely care about them. That's not to say that I am a complete bitch. I say what some people don't want to say. If you are being a complete douche bag, but some people are "afraid" to tell you, then i'll tell you. I do not however go around bullying people or expressing my opinion to everyone. I learned as a kid to get over things that you cannot change.

Some people think it's unlady-like to swear. Tell me who wrote the 'How to Behave as a Woman' handbook and i'll have a few words with them. I don't see anything wrong with using curse words every now and then. I do not curse around kids or at work (unless I need to). Yes, there are ways to talk to people depending on the circumstance you are in. If you are in a professional environment of course you're not going to curse. Bottom line is if need be, there is nothing wrong with saying a curse word or ten. It's fun to just verbally slap the shit out of certain people.

Believe it or not, I do have manners. ha! :)

Ambitious Girl...

Wale-

you'd rather chase your dreams than to try to chase these men...Ambitious Girl.

What does this mean to you?

Sucka for a Love Song.

Since I was a little girl I remember jammin to Toni Braxton, Keith Sweat, New Edition, R.Kelly, Next, Jodeci, Dru Hill, Jagged Edge, Ginuwine, Usher, 112, Aaliyah, SWV, Xscape, Brian McKnight, Donell Jones, Blackstreet, Case, H-Town, Silkk, I can go on! I didn't even know how 'grown' the music was at the time.

I always got in my brother's and sister's cd's and the music just never left me! I seriously listen to love songs 24/7. As I grew older my list of r&b grew out of control. Very seldom do I listen to the radio or rap.

Just give me some headphones with my r&b and I can lay there for days...

Men you date & men you marry.

They say you can’t turn a ho into a housewife. Well, you can’t turn a hoe into a husband either.

The other day I came across an article on lust vs love that I seriously loved.

In a nut shell the article stated that some women make the mistake of being infatuated with the person who treats them poorly as opposed to the man who adores them and gives them the world. This is very true with a lot of women. I find that a lot of these women are either immature or have low self-esteem. Some are infatuated with the whole "thug" image and dream of dating drug dealers who in return beat and cheat on them.

From personal experience, when I was younger I didn't want the good guy because that meant we were going to date for a long time and I was not ready. But I was also a teenager. I learned that both good guys and the bad ones can break your heart, but realized that the stupid girl image was not for me.

The article refers to Jazmine Sullivan's song called "I'm in love with another man" which pretty much says "it's not you, it's me". Sound familiar? Wasn't long before I realized that some men do this too. Sometimes they feel like they don't deserve a good woman and instead would rather settle for less. Sometimes these situations leave the good person feeling unworthy, but the truth is they are better off with someone of the same caliber, someone grateful.

Ultimately, I realized that I am not alone on this topic. See article here: http://bitchielife.necolebitchie.com/2010/07/there-are-men-you-date-and-men-you-marry/

Taurus.

I think I am the proudest Taurus around. Anyone who knows me knows that I am crazy about zodiac signs. I believe that our zodiac sign tell us so much about our personality and character. Every person is definitely different, however we have certain traits that we have in common with people born under the same sign. We all have good traits and of course, flaws.


Of course the most popular trait of the bull is stubborn. The bull is mellow and hates change. We do not like being the center of attention and are fairly quiet until pushed over the limit. Then comes popular trait number two, bad temper. Taurus are known for their extreme temper and short fuse!

On the same hand we are super affectionate and romantics! We are very loving, caring, loyal and sensual.

o5.o3.88

A Kid named Cudi

<3

When a Love Song Was Genuine

My all time f a v o r i t e band is JODECI. OMG what I would give to see them perform together. Absolutely LOVE their musicccc! I will 'Love U 4 Life' :-)

my on stage encounter with k-ci

Just Listen: Lauryn Hill

I absolutely adore this song! It's so dear to me and speaks from the soullll!

Better Choices, Better Living

Lately I've been TRYING to make better choices in my life for my well being. Although I am not 100000% committed, it's the conscience thought that counts. I feel like the word 'diet' scares people and puts so much pressure so 'better choices' is better. The changes I've made I sort of already do, but just being stricter and making BETTER CHOICES. I already L O V E working out, but pushing myself an extra 20 minutes, keep running when I want to stop & just changing it up will make a difference. I absolutely am a fruit and vegetable lover so just substituting those instead of snacks and THE ULTIMATE challenge; smaller portions! It's also no secret that I have THEE biggest sweet tooth, so cutting back is sooooo difficult.

so, get to RUNNING bish!

Just Listen: Anita Baker

One of my f a v o r i t e love songs.

Sweet Love.

Why Men Love Bitches

I read this book a few years ago and I absolutely agree with this woman who thinks like a man. My kinda girl! I knew most of the rules nonetheless, great read!

Women & Self-Worth

Growing up I learned about self-worth and self-esteem at a young age. It wasn't long before I realized that I am on of the lucky ones. The media puts so much pressure on women and the way we should think, act and look. I was taught to have my own thoughts and that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. There is a huge spectrum of diversity and it is okay to be different, it's okay to have your own mind. My biggest pet peeve for most of my life has been women not knowing their self-worth. No matter if you are a Harvard grad or a high school drop out, we are so much more than what the eye sees. I absolutely hate when women limit their achievements because we don't feel worthy. I think my biggest goal in life is to help women understand that a man and our mistakes do not define us and that we are so much more better than letting a man abuse us. I feel that a man is just that, a man. There are great ones and there are not so great ones. There is so much more in life than to be in an unhappy place. Every woman has a different story to tell, but the ones that actually make it through the storm can actually show their daughters to succeed under any circumstance. I believe self-worth is taught before we are able to speak and it is definitely something passed down generation after generation. If a little girl is told that she has the world in the palm of her hands then she will believe it as she blooms. While some of us are brought up in struggle, we can better understand the beautiful fight and appreciate success as adults.

Bottom line is, we have got to do better and learn to value and love our-real-selves.

Dear Mama

I don't know a stronger woman than my mother. I'm not just saying that, I really don't. I am the person I am today because of her. I feel like I owe it to her to do the very best I can. My mother has struggled so much her entire life from being the second oldest in her family of eleven & raising her mother's kids; to raising SIX of her very own kids by herself! She never once complained about the struggle that came with it. She did EVERYTHING she had to survive and feed her kids. and she did it with dignity. She is the most loving, supportive person I know, and I know I can always count on her. The best thing she ever taught me is to work hard, to never give up. She taught me to never ever take disrespect from anyone, especially a man. She never put a man before her kids, never even brought anyone around us. She taught her daughters that we can stand on our own feet and don't need anyone else to make it. She never complained about the years my dad beat her and cheated on her, instead she asks us to forgive him. She taught me to treat everyone with respect, no matter who they were or what they possess. She showed me to have my own mind and to speak up when I want. Anytime I have a "tough" day, I remember what really matters and what others are going through.

I know I can do anything I put my mind to because of her. I respect myself because of her. I work so damn hard every day because of her. I am my mother's daughter and I don't know any other way to be.

Women Are Like Apples

Women are like apples, the best ones are on the top of the tree.

The men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.

Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good but easy.

So, the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they are amazing.

They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Deputy Castro

Since becoming a Deputy for Harris County Precinct 4 Constable's Office my perception on life has changed. Seeing tragedy and drama first hand makes me more grateful of my life. I relax more, I go for long runs and walks and I love harder. Starting my law enforcement career is a goal I yearned and worked so hard for. It's an incredible feeling when a group of people believe in you, people who don't even know you. The next best feeling is helping people who confide in you to help them during life's dilemmas. I have great co-workers who will become family and will have my back on and off the streets. Thinking back on the day I got sworn in, I will never forget the joy and pride of holding my badge. I pray to God that he watches and guides me through my journey in law enforcement. I also pray that he helps me separate my job from my home life and I pray that he doesn't let me forget the hard work that went into getting my badge.

Just Listen: Janet Jackson

Artist: Janet Jackson
Song: Nothing
Album: Why Did I Get Married Too?


There’s something I wanna say,
Something that I’ve been holding back
Can’t let it go another day
Let me start by saying that
Nothing, nothing, nothing, means more than the truth.
And truth is that I realize, love is fading from your eyes
Don’t know how it came to this, but we gonna get it fixed tonight
Cus nothing, nothing, nothing, is worth losing you
Tell me what could the problem be, that’s got you drinking way too much
What could it be ’bout us?
Don’t you tell me not right now, I can’t let it go
(I can’t let it go, no I can’t let it go, Oh nooo)
What can I do to help you see,
That there’s no need for jealousy or insecurities
I’ll do anything you want
You can even have the password to my phone
Because nothing, nothing, should come between us
Trust in me, trust in me
We should cherish every moment like it’s the last
Trust in me, trust in me
If your issues is with trust, hear me when I tell you this
No one else has shared my love, no one else has had your kiss
Nothing, nothing, nothing, can make me forget. (Noooo)
Forget that you’re a good man and I know that you've had it hard
Cus you’re more than adequate, you’re more than I wish for
Nothing, nothing, nothing, can make you any less.
Tell me what could the problem be,
The past is something I can’t change
It’s a brand new day
Don’t you tell me not right now,
I can’t let it go(I can’t let it go, no I can’t let it go, Oh nooo)
We've got to fix this, fix this right this minute
Only pure love can calm the noise
Cus baby when we give pure love
Pure love will never come back to us void
Because nothing, nothing
Should come between us
Trust in me, trust in me
We should cherish every moment like it’s the last
Trust in me Trust in me

Just Watch: Best Beyonce Performance

From all the performances Beyonce has ever done, this is by far my favorite. She KILLS it! It is from her Live at Wynn Las Vegas concert/dvd. I most definitely can feel what she's been through. Although it is not originally hers, her version is so sickening. i gotta look at her in her eyes, and see she's had half of me. she ain't even half of me! Just Watch...

Just Listen: Mariah Carey

Artist: Mariah Carey
Album: The Emancipation of Mimi
Song: Fly Like a Bird

The very first time I heard this song I was sitting in my CJ class in high school, I have yet to hear another song like this. While the pop culture is not open about the man upstairs, she actually performed this song at the Grammys and American Idol. It is perfect during stressful days or when you just need to hear something positive. keep your head up to the sky, with God's love you will survive! Just Listen...

Entrée Ain't As Good Without Something on the Side

I never understood why people in relationships cheat. Actually, I do. Because they are selfish, inconsiderate and insecure. Lately there has been a trend where these side pieces come out in the media and discuss their affairs with these stupid, famous men.


Everyone now knows how stupid and sick Tiger Woods is. Fifteen some-odd sl-ores Tiger? Really? In the midst of this scandal text messages, e-mails and voice mails were released. So aside from them being dumb they are attention whores.



Anyway, asshole number two just surfaced and he is no one other than Sandra Bullock's husband, Jesse James. Now, only one chick has come forward but as trashy as she is she makes up for Tiger's fifteen. The irony of this story is that Miss Congeniality took Jesse James from his ex-wife while she was pregnant. I guess the way you got him is the way you will eventually lose him. Karma.

These are just two men out of the sea of dishonest bastards who cheat. We do not know what goes on in anyone's relationships except our own, but if you want to cheat just be true to yourself and be single.

Just Listen: Trey Songz

Who knew Mr. Tremaine was this good? While he has impeccable sex appeal , I learned he KILLS other people's tracks. let me hold that beat. Just Listen...

Just Listen: Mariah Carey

Artist: Mariah Carey
Song: Betcha Gon' Know
Album: The Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel

When I first heard this track I wasn't feeling it. As I listened a few more times, I became hooked! The song was co-written with The Dream, of course, and it is a classic MC track. You can definitely feel what she's going through, especially toward the end. Just Listen...

Offender Rights???

So this afternoon as I was watching 20/20 on WE, I came across two tragic stories of two different girls, from opposite sides of the country that had one thing in common, they were abducted and never heard from again. They just vanished. Young, pretty, smart, outgoing girls. Although the episode aired in 'o8, this situation happens EVERYDAY. No one ever thinks it's going to happen to them or someone they know. In fact, one can never be prepared for such tragedy. Well this led me to my own investigation and so I went to www.familywatchdog.us and saw all of the REGISTERED sex offenders in my neighborhood. While it wasn't a surprise, it is still unimaginable how this can really happen to such good people. Some of the crimes happened before i was even born and it made me think about how awful it is to have to be labeled for the rest of your life. Then I told myself those girls families have to live in despair for the rest of their lives. So kudos to whoever thought about the registry!